Motivational

How do you see your life? Are you on a treadmill, doing things you don't want to do? Do you feel that you could only become more powerful at the expense of being ethical?



Personal power is a wierd thing, and it has captured my attention for several years. On one hand, it is crucial to our existence, and to living. Without power, the ability to convert energy into momentum, we have no existence whatsoever. Yet many people I meet don't want power. Isn't that wierd?



Maybe not. After all, we often link power with corruption and misuse. Consequently, we view power as undesirable, even if it is indispensable. Not an easy conundrum to resolve. Indeed, it has been one of my big challenges in my personal development, and it's why I penned my book on the subject. I titled it 'Stand up and live' because for me power and living go together.



In the book, I describe nine steps to ethical power through a storyline. Since publication, I've realised that there are perhaps four central principles that underpin the steps. Mastering the four principles will make a huge impact on your own power, in addition to helping you to become more ethical in using it - a big win win. Outlined below are the four principles. The closer you do these, the more ethically powerful you will be.



Feelings



The importance of connecting with our own feelings is often talked about in a self help context. There are many great benefits from getting in touch with how we feel in the moment. One of the most significant benefits is to keep us in touch with our own state of power. Put simply, the better we feel about a particular situation or part of our life, the more powerful we are likely to be in reality. Having a say in what happens in our own life makes us feel better, and empowered people don't use this to make themselves feel upset! All of this means our feelings are an accurate barometer to our state of power.



Direction



Get clear on your direction in life, and take whatever action is necessary to become clear. If power is the conversion of our personal energy into momentum, then where is the momentum headed? As the saying goes, if you don't know where you're headed, you will probably end up somewhere different. There will be no lack of people telling you where you should head if you are not clear yourself! So get clarity on where you want to go, and what you'd like to achieve.



This could include firming up on any or all of your own life purpose, your personal vision, your key values, or perhaps just some goals. There's no need to get too spiritual over this (though many of you might want to). Getting some direction helps you to view more clearly where other people may be stopping you from living an enjoyable life - and others might not be doing this deliberately. In addition, having clear purpose, vision, values and goals delivers a momentum on its own. Seaweed will only stop a boat if the boat had little momentum to start with. If the boat had momentum, it would sail through the seaweed.



Expression



Once you have the first two principles sussed, the next step is to express your views to others when they are dis-empowering you, inadvertently or otherwise. Your own direction and feelings will let you know when a situation matters if you listen to yourself. So if someone is dis-empowering you, say something, along the lines of:



"When you criticise me publicly, it puts me down. I'd like you to stop doing this in future"

"I want you to support me in my work"

"I'd like you to come with me to see our friends"



The golden rule on expression is to say what is true for you. Not aggressively, but clearly. You have just as much right to express your needs, wants and ambitions as the next person, as long as you're not harming anyone. Don't disguise what you say in the hope that others might 'get the hint'. Often they won't - the problem with hints is they're not always obvious.



If you have trouble being assertive, practice in front of a mirror, get a coach, talk to a friend, whatever. But do something to develop this skill. It is in these moments of truth where we say something, or avoid saying something, that our very lives are defined as joyous or depressing.



But do remember that in your rush to get to where you want to go, don't trample others into the dust. They have rights too. Which leads on nicely to the last principle.



Forgiveness



Most of us find it hard to forgive someone, unless we're the Dalai Lama. For many people, it's forgiving ourselves we can't deal with. We go around berating ourselves for things we did, or didn't do in the past - often a long time ago. We feel bad about this. For other people, it's forgiving others that is the challenge. Others who wronged us in the past. Betrayed us, undermined us, embarrassed us, humiliated us. There are folks out there who look around for 'bad people', and don't forgive them, for many things.



We could have a tendency to favour beating ourselves up, or beating others up - maybe even both. We might hide our feelings, but we still haven't forgiven. I just want to say one thing about forgiveness.



Non-forgiveness undermines our own power. It destroys it for one reason. Whoever we fail to forgive, the act of non-forgiveness ties down our energy. Ties it up fighting battles from the past. Ties up energy on beating ourselves up. Ties up energy that could be channeled now to gain momentum, and this is the essence of power. We can choose to live in the past or live for now, and ethically powerful people choose the second option. Let's be clear, the only person you're harming by wallowing in non-forgiveness is you. What's the point in that? So again, find someone to counsel you, clear the air with those who have 'offended' in the past, talk at the mirror, but find a way to get over it. Otherwise you won't move on.



There it is. The four key principles - understand your emotions, get clear on your direction, express yourself , and forgive people for their (and our) past deeds. Enhancing your ethical power is crucial to living a great life, and to helping others round you to achieve the same thing.



I end with a wish, a variation on an old 'Star Trek' mantra (I do confess to liking Star Trek!). Spock, the Vulcan, used to say 'live long and prosper'. My alternative mantra, to you, is 'stand up and live'.

I own Brilliant Futures, and am a self development writer and personal development consultant. I help people to become the best they can be, and to enjoy their working lives. http://www.brilliantfutures.net/

About the author

I am the owner of Brilliant Futures, passionately committed to helping people develop to become the best they can be. I wrote 'Stand up and live', a book dedicated to helping people reclaim their own personal power to live the life they dream of.

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